That WTFAID moment gives us the courage to stop what we are doing - change jobs, get out of an unhealthy life course, completely overhaul spiritual convictions. Anything that refuses any longer to ignore the calm low voice talking from within.
My own story is that for 25 years I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses. For ten of those years I served as an elder in the congregation. In 2003 I was removed as an elder. The circumstances are relevant. I had attempted to use methods of psychology to improve someone's spiritual health. It seemed to me that the person I was in conversation with had issues that stretched right back into their past, and I was suggesting that it might be best to deal with these things. This came to the attention of the body of elders, and after a short meeting in which I stood alone in trying to defend my actions, I was summarily dismissed.
I had a feeling that the outer person, what was being done on the outside, on display for other people to see, was more important than the inner person in the eyes of the congregation. "Elders are not therapists," was the constant mantra. It was my belief that they had to be - that shepherding must at least attempt to heal the inner person. I tucked it away to the back of my mind. I tried to ignore it. I tried to amend it so that I could continue to serve but with a revised ideology. Success came when I was re-appointed as an elder just four years later. It lasted for eighteen months. In that time further questions about the organisation had begun to surface which I dutifully sidelined, but I was already fading. I was no longer committed.
The "fade" comes about because those misgivings erode something from your convictions. We hold back. We are not entirely committed to the cause. We are no longer convinced. The more evidence we receive that what we are doing is potentially bogus, the less we want to invest.
I resigned as an elder, and I continued to fade as a Witness. Literature began to look like indoctrination. Sitting down to have a bible study with an interested person seemed to raise questions the Watchtower Society* wanted to answer. It all looked like mental manipulation of the worst sort. Changing doctrines began to appear farcical, few more so than the infamous "generation" question. This revolves around the interpretation of Jesus' words at Matthew 24:34. At one point in a chapter devoted to "signs" marking the "conclusion of a system of things," Jesus says, "Truly I say to you that this generation will by no means pass away until all these things occur." Jehovah's Witnesses have long held that the "generation" referred to here was the generation that witnessed the events of 1914. They would not pass away before the end came. When this became impossible to sustain (because of the natural passing of time) it was revealed that the "generation" actually meant the people that knew the 1914 generation. It was the "overlap" theory. It didn't take much imagination to realise that some years down the line it would be "the people that knew the people that knew..." From there it was turtles all the way down. The small voice was getting louder.
My WTFAID moment came over the matter of "family worship". Family worship was a new concept. Jehovah's Witnesses used to meet three times a week for congregation meetings. A few years ago one of these meetings was cancelled and congregation members were encouraged to use this spare evening for what was to become known as "family worship." Families were encouraged to devote the time to family bible study. I had a feeling that what had started out as "family worship" with a small f.w. would eventually become "Family Worship" with a capital F.W. I had a feeling that it would become a further means for judging a person's spirituality. I knew Family Worship was going to be an issue in our household. I knew that it would be mentioned publicly more and more. I knew our family would be at the meetings where Family Worship would be promoted and I imagined my own children thinking, "But it's not like that in our house," and I thought, "What the fuck am I doing? I can't carry on like this any more. I have to stop and give a clear indication that I no longer hold this religion to be true."
1 Kings 19, verses 9 to 14 tells the story of the prophet Elijah and his moment of doubt as a worshipper of the true God. He is in a cave on Mount Horeb:
And the word of the Lord came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"The answer is not in the wind, the quaking, and the fire. It is not in the voice that says we are going to be wiped out at Armageddon, or questions our loyalty to God and family, or fears for our safety. That is the voice of the opposer ( we oppose ourselves), the slanderer (we lie to and about ourselves) - our own ego, the inauthentic self fearing the change that is about to come upon it. That voice tells us we will be on our own. It calls us names, tells us we're selfish, or presumptuous. The wind, the quaking, and the fire was telling me I was being selfish, that I would hurt people, that I might be wrong...who was I to think I knew better? But "God" was not in those things. Not in the rantings, the accusations, or the bluster. "God" was in the gentle whisper. The calm low voice of reason and reassurance. It's okay to go out on your own, and even then, there will be others who feel the same way.
He replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."
The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by."
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"
Your own story might involve a political affiliation, working in the financial sector, the medical profession, teaching, police, the military, any number of lifestyle choices which you have begun to feel are a dead end, as if you are merely going through the motions of life, and not really living it. The gentle whisper is telling you that this is not the way things are meant to be, but the fear-inspiring voices are saying, "What about the money? How will you earn a living?" and any other tempestuous, fearsome, and fiery things. Remember, "God" is not in those things. Meaningful change is in the calm, low voice.
When your own personal WTFAID moment comes it might just be the time to sit up, listen, and take action.
* Legal shorthand for Jehovah's Witnesses
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