It was certainly my experience that when I was becoming increasingly disillusioned with the doctrines of Jehovah's Witnesses, personal spiritual conversation with those closest to me - primarily my wife - shut down, and everything was placed in to the laps of those in an official capacity. The elders can handle it. As long as the elders were handling it, what more could be done. Part of the efforts to readjust my thinking included a meeting with a circuit overseer. He was not our own circuit overseer, but a friend of the family. In our brief conversation it soon became apparent that he had nothing groundbreaking to offer. It was all familiar territory: "What are the governing body getting out of it?" "Who really is the faithful and discreet slave?" "Where else is there to go to? If Jesus were to come down, this is the religion he would belong to." I came away no less convinced.
When I sent my letter to the body of elders, I also forwarded a copy to Anton. This was our brief exchange:
Dear Rory,
It is with intense sadness that I received your email, and with equal sadness that I noted the contentment and tenor of your message.
I apologise for not replying to your email of last year; I always intended to and actually framed a number of replies in my mind and intended to put them in writing. I obviously didn’t think it would come to this.
I would have to say, in connection with that original email, that nothing you said was new to me, I had come across it all before, and dealt with it. It does seem to me that you have fallen and succumbed to the bait of “spiritual me-ism” where we become the centre of our spiritual world, that how we feel as an individual, our personal relationship with God is the most important thing, which, tempting as it may seem is not the case. You seem to now feel there is no messianic implication in Gen 3:15 and no link to Rev 12 or Jesus prayer at Matt 6. That the first thing Jesus taught us to pray for is not the most important thing, the sanctification of Jehovah’s name, and the doing of Jehovah’s things Jehovah’s way according to His eternal purpose. The old illustration of the 3 piece suite comes to mind – going to the showroom and sitting in this one and then that one until you find one that suits you and is comfortable for you. That’s not the way. It’s finding how God says he wants to be worshipped and finding our place there. So where are you worshipping now? I presume you haven’t gone back to the middle ages and started worshipping with those who celebrate the trinity and hellfire etc, I can’t imagine you doing that, although once we become spiritually bedarkened, strange things can happen. So are you now a bit of a “lone ranger” spiritually, picking out the bits that Rory decides are right and rejecting the bits that Rory decides are wrong? That seems a flawed and dangerous course, as if our own wisdom is sufficient to guide us at any given time. Prov 3:5-7 and Prov 18:1 would come to mind.
Satan is the God of pride and rebellion, Jehovah the God of humility and obedience and it’s good for us. When things go wrong, the path is to ask, “What can I learn from this, will I allow it to make me bitter or better?” Everything about Jehovah is teaching us qualities that bring us closer to him, (Jas 1:2-4; Rom 5: 3-5) humility being one of the main ones, everything about Satan teaches the opposite and spiritual me-ism falls firmly in the latter camp.
Rory, my dear friend, whom I love so much, nothing in your recent email suggested you view yourself any longer as a brother. You addressed the elders as “men”, and were critical of the arrangements they were enforcing. However, you were the one that agreed to abide by the house rules when you got baptised, you knew what they were and agreed to them. You are the one that has put yourself at odds with them. When you start advocating and publishing things contrary to those precepts and potentially undermining others, you leave those charged with care of the flock no option. “If you can’t restore the man, you must protect the congregation.” This is a wonderful and holy place we have found. We have unity of purpose and belief. It is a family that abides by the house rules; it stands up for the highest principles, for God’s moral standards in an increasingly debased and degraded world. It gives a safe environment for our young people to grow up in. It’s focus is outward not inward. We are an organisation of preachers, dedicated to helping others. We fulfil the apostolic mandate of Matt 24 and Matt 28 in accordance with Acts 20:20 and Acts 4:42 which is not in the adverbial but distributive sense and we are the only ones doing it. It is Jehovah’s Name and purpose that is of paramount to us, not our own, but by virtue of that we get salvation and the best life as part of His purpose.
Matt 16:24,25 says to disown our self. Rory I beg of you to do that. Forget yourself and any perceived hurts and injustices you have suffered. Just forget yourself, and give yourself to Jehovah, be used by Him and Jesus in the context of the Organization he is using, which regardless of what you may think at the moment stands out as so manifestly different from the corrupt, fusion religions of Christendom; stay with your lovely family in a spiritual sense, be a true spiritual head for them.
I look back with such fondness on those days in Norfolk – you and Kath and Neil Young! I’ve still got the tape you both did for me.
Rory, I have such affection for you and Kath, if the announcement does go through, I hope that in time you can find your way back – there is nowhere else.
Warm love
Your brother (at present)
Anton
***
Dear Anton,
I appreciate you taking the time to put your feelings down in writing.
It really is too late to have decent conversation. The announcement will go ahead on Wednesday, and I shall never return to the organisation. It took me a little over twelve months to join, and it has taken me almost eight years to leave.
I won't attempt to answer the accusations of "spiritual me-ism". It falls into the trap of not directly discussing the misgivings, but instead denigrating one's character. Happily, I have a better sense of my own motives, and my certainty is in no danger of being damaged.
The reference to the middle ages is strange. The organisation's opinion about who wrote what parts of the Bible and when have languished back in the middle ages while all around them men who make it their life's work to understand the history of the Scriptures have been publishing a more enlightened understanding. No, I don't adhere to the Trinity - however, I can see that the Trinity is simply man's clumsy way of trying to explain that in order to experience Christianity in it's fullest sense, men need to have the Father, the Son, and the holy spirit. Try explaining the holy spirit without mentioning God. It is impossible. There is no holy spirit without God. And today - the argument goes - one cannot enjoy a pure relationship with God if one does not accept the Christ. The three are essential. Page 426 of the Reasoning book poses the question:"When someone says, "Do you believe in the Trinity? You might reply, "I find that not everyone has the same thing in mind when he refers to the Trinity. Perhaps I could answer your question better if I knew what you mean." Given the above definition you would be forced to agree that you, too, adhere to the Trinity - or you would have to force them to alter their definition to one more suited to your opposition, rendering the initial reply moot.
All your references to Satan are rendered null and void. The Pharisees, too, charged Jesus with having a demon. I can imagine they used much the same arguments.
Your paragraph about the house rules I can agree with in part. That is all they are: House Rules. I do not entirely agree that those who join know what they are getting in to. It is more like a dawning realisation as opposed to an up front presentation of everything it might mean if at some future time you choose to leave the organisation. Newcomers are fragile and naive, like a newborn deer finding its legs. I encountered "apostasy" very early on, and it was very quickly stamped on and presented as a fearful Satanic boogie-man designed specifically to entrap spiritually weak individuals. It must not be read, it must be consigned to the bin. Little did I know that some of these were once believers who had since come to learn some uncomfortable truths, and were now having their names dragged through the mud.
I implore you not to question the tone of this e-mail. Read back through your letter to me, and do so through my eyes. I forgive anyone who leaves the organisation for being bitter, and angry. It is shocking - truly shocking - for a few men to hold sway over so many. Their arbitrary and fluctuating decisions have caused heartache and loss of life - yes death. And it is done without a shred of shame. Not a shred. And you have the gall to talk about "spiritual me-ism".
I did forget myself. I let it all go...and this is where it brought me.
I, too, have fond memories of the times in Norfolk. You were a lovely man to be around. With any (whatever) you will be posted here to Suffolk so that Katherine can see more of you and Jules. She loves you a lot.
Much love,
Rory
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